I’ve delayed posting for a bit… on one hand, it seems like I could write forever, on the other, that I have nothing to say. Yesterday, all morning long at work I felt like crying, until I had lunch with a friend. Afternoon was good, then evening and this very strange awareness that there’s nothing. Activity covers it up. TV covers it up. Thinking covers it up.

It feels insane to not trust my senses. I took a shower this morning, and realized that I feel hot water running. but nothing is happening at all. The holodeck is empty.

I can easity imagine that coming to this place would be terrifying for anyone not ready for it. My teacher once told me of a time he started talking about “too much truth” to someone, and they freaked out on the spot and ran away screaming. He had to catch up with them and change the subject to basketball!

There’s no hope here. None at all. “Abandon hope all ye who enter here.” But there’s no problem, so who the hell needs hope?

I see other things more clearly… It’s like the exact same rules apply here, as the in world we call the dream world. Jungians say that everyone in your dream is you. Well no shit! Everyone is “me” or “this” or whatever you want to call it. I reflect myself in different ways to myself to entertain, baffle, challenge, arouse, and calm myself.

For instance, what is sexual attaction? A reflection of something within me I find appealing. For me, it’s part of my animus. For straight guys, it’s part of their anima. (As if there’s any “me” or “they!”) The same applies for every other kind of attraction. Or repulsion. It’s just a game. Like I said, this is weird.

I must admit the hallucination is compelling–exquistely detailed and 15 billion light-years across. All it asks is that you believe in it. But there are gliches in “reality” everywhere.